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It's happening.

Long time, no post. Lately I've been completely absorbed in wedding planning. Tasting with a potential caterer is scheduled for Saturday. There's far too much minutiae to cover here, so it may be worth it to check out my Tumblr for ideas that occur to me from day to day. It's exactly six months from now and a little bigger than we initially planned.

I can't think of anything to add.
Mabon flower


Since high school, I've done my hair in a single style which wavered only on where I put the part. This year has been rather stagnant and I've harbored the mundane fantasy of walking into a salon and just telling them to have at it with the only proviso that the result be easily managed. I made that a reality on Thursday. As you can see, I'm still a bit at sea when it comes to hair cement and basic styling.

(I'm out at a café enjoying an Earl Grey latte, so this isn't precisely a professional shot.)

R has taken some time in adjusting, but he's getting there. For my part, it's odd waking up with a head of hair that falls somewhere between David Bowie and Wolverine, let alone reflexively reaching up to wash or sweep out of the way what isn't there.
  • Current Music
    "Mulan's Decision" - Jerry Goldsmith
Mabon flower


I have a problem with procrastination. I don't think of it as such. If something's not perfect, surely coming back to it at a later time will give me the clarity or courage to complete it. It's easy to get lost in something else—knitting, music, story, sleep—if only for a little while, if only to feel less immobilized by shame or doubt.

Last night was filled with frank discussions, happiness, snuggles, easy rapport. I returned to my parents' house this morning after breakfast to find trash bags by the front door. My dad explained that my mom had done a bit of picking up in my room a little while ago when my alarm had gone off. I'm afraid to go up there and see the aftermath. I'm ashamed of the way I've been living while I'm here. It's always been easy to hide in my room when I don't have to be anywhere, wait, and occasionally sneak out to grab a can of beans or shower.

Now I'm just waiting for my mother to get off the treadmill before I go up there to do something as small as retrieve my headphones. I'd stay down here for a long time if not for the fact I need to do laundry. I don't want anyone to talk to me about it or tell me not to do that again. Well, it's nearly been an hour with no sign of change; I've had the opportunity to briefly get lost, find some clarity, now it's time to find that courage.
  • Current Mood
    intimidated intimidated
Mabon flower

The Deferred Homecoming

"I just want to wake up next to you again. That's where home is, and it hurts thinking about what I can't have."

There's more to say, but this is all I feel like sharing for now.
  • Current Music
    "To Have A Home" - Darren Criss
Cold, Yarn, Mwah!

End of the year survey

Yeah, it's the survey where you take the first line from the first entry of each month. I cheated a bit because I was lucky to have done one entry each month. Sentences from locked entries are indicated with (L) and ones from my paper journal are (P).

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I'll post about Chicago soon.
  • Current Music
    "Guys Like Potter" - AVPS
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"Why, it's right through that brick wall!"

What can I say? MoFo was a bust this year. I didn't plan things out well and was often too busy to cook anything. To be honest, I lost motivation after the Pulled Jackfruit Cupcakes. If I ever do that again, it'll be cornbread because that was insane. Ryan thought they were tasty once he scraped the jackfruit off the top and ate them separately (he didn't care or really notice the jackfruit that had been folded into the batter).

Life has been terribly mundane this month: Crocheted a scarf and have generally been overdosing on StarKid and Harry Potter. Most of the time when I'm reading characters don't have a voice that I hear, per se, so it's especially funny when they do. Quirrell sounding like Brian Rosenthal (AVPM-Quirrell) is no big surprise, but for some reason Luna sounds like Tim Minchin. Look, I don't understand it, but a spacey blonde who has the voice of an Australian man somehow works. It's a good thing Luna was a year behind Harry because I could not handle that dialogue were those two to meet.

Thanksgiving is next week, so at least there's that. I'll get to see my aunt, reacquaint myself with the city, and get that annual sandwich. Screw latkes, I'm getting a Reuben.
Mabon flower

Goodies, Blogs, and Schrödinger's Persephone

It has been a wonderful past few days. I spent the weekend with Ryan, helping him get ready for his conference this week. The part about going to sleep this morning at 1 and waking up at 4 to drop him off at the airport wasn't so great (and he doesn't expect to get to sleep until about midnight PST), but today has been fantastic. I arrived back in Canton at 6, exhausted, to find a package on my bed. It was the copy of Yellow Rose Recipes I purchased to replace the copy I foolishly lost. Oh, how I've missed that Mustard-Crusted Seitan! After a nap and work, I found another package. My Glamourkin pendant! It's even more beautiful in person.1

My blogs, I show you them:

I mentioned the über geeky lit blog in a previous entry. EpicAdvisory: Reading the boring stuff so you don't have to! It's meant to be a reader's advisory blog that examines scholarly literature about three works in the Western canon, I've chosen to look at the Iliad. There's a lull in content at the moment due to other obligations in our curricula. Our goal wasn't to get people into the works themselves; to do that we'd be suggesting the originals or reader's guides. Sorry, kids, you won't find Brad Pitt in a skirt or Angelina Jolie wearing motion capture balls here.

My second themed blog also has a touch of literature geekery, if only in its title: Vaster Than Empires.2 I'm taking the plunge and participating in Vegan MoFo this year. Perhaps a poor choice, but nothing will spur me from this cooking rut better than this sense of community, this challenge. Just you wait and see what I do with self-imposed AmaranThursdays! I was even able to come up with a little something for today, in spite of the insanity:

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2 Marvell, of course. "My vegetable love should grow/Vaster than empires, and more slow" is the obvious couplet, but I also chose it for the poem's sense of carpe diem.
Mabon flower

"And I don't know no cool lines"

I'm having trouble sleeping tonight, so I borrowed a quiz from cat_the_knife:

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I strongly agree with the results, to a certain extent. (See? Always with the wembling.) I'm not good with being "one with the universe" and those who know me best can discern the awkward gap between equanimity and insecurity. I'm often persnickety when plans change.

There's a parallel I've been turning over in my hands ever since we had our first field trip—if it could be called that—for class. It feels inexplicably right, but I just can't find the right words. Most of the time, it's a self-indulgent, rambling conceit. I'll see if penning it in with form will help in the penning of it to paper.
  • Current Music
    "Ain't Even Done with the Night" - John Mellencamp
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    , ,
Mabon flower

Detroit, Dearborn, and an Exercise in esprit d'escalier

I had orientation on Thursday. My favorite part was each of the professors introducing themselves and getting to see them interact (the highlight being the threat of a fistfight over whether papers should be in APA or MLA). It also clearly demonstrated how diverse a field LIS is. There was an archivist, another who was more interested in data analysis, yet another with a focus on urban libraries, etc. I would love to talk further with the one whose dissertation was on pleasure reading: public and private (the latter is simply the reader and a book, a woman observed reading Twilight on a train--with a piece of white paper meant to conceal to cover--is an example of the former). At this point, I'm between Academic Libraries or Archives (my History background makes the latter especially attractive, and the possibility of acquiring a double Master's in History and Library Science).

Classes start in a week and a half. I made a few acquaintances and attended a mixer at a nearby bar. I'm looking forward to it, but there are a few things that reflect poorly on the institution, the most prominent of which is the requirement to demonstrate basic computer skills. (One obtained a Bachelor's degree how? Unless it was at least 15 years ago, this is a ridiculous blanket obligation.) The presentation on the website points out this exam is increasingly becoming a requirement for university freshmen and high school students. Way to demonstrate a high regard for your university. Add to this the company that proctors the test is one with which I would not wish to be affiliated, with its devotion to attempting to spam the user.

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There has to be some middle ground between ignoring this the best one can and an incredulous interrogation (in the better sense of the word). I'm fine engaging my own grandfather and his more controversial ideas. He's not offended by raised eyebrows; he loves debate and talking with people with different views, but I recognize this is not the case for everyone. It's probably best to let sleeping dogs lie, but, wow.
  • Current Music
    "Granger Danger" - Joey Richter & Lauren Lopez (AVPM)
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Mabon flower

"Don't matter if it's soon or later, I know that it's gonna be alright!"

That last entry was a huge relief to write out. Things have gotten better. Ryan bought a car, which puts us slightly further into debt, but it's a step in the right direction. It's enough for now and we'll gain some capital in the meantime. He's got a way to get to where he needs to go. It's pretty awesome and I was fortunate enough to use the new car for a few days instead of an ancient station wagon. I mean, it has air conditioning and functioning windows and a radio and everything. Lowered expectations and frivolity aside, it really is fantastic.

Helmut (Volkswagen, so of course the name is German) is a tangible indicator that we're no longer stagnant. So is the acceptance letter I received yesterday. It was a foregone conclusion, but nonetheless, holding the thick envelope in my hand for a moment before opening it made it real.

As long as we're moving forward.

Oh, remember the rings we're looking at getting? They have new colors, which is awesome. I can't find a picture of the combination I want, so it's this design:

With this color:
  • Current Music
    "Days of Summer" - AVPS
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